Shine Inside
by actualrealitytheory
Summary: Oneshot, onesided MarkAngel. Mark watches some of his old films. Songfic to Shine Inside by Duncan Sheik.


Like I said, song is Shine Inside by Duncan Sheik. I don't own Rent._  
_

_Are you aware? when you just stare,  
for hours, into the sky  
what do you see? can you show it to me  
the beauty..._

Hours upon hours upon hours. That's how much film he had to edit. Rolls and rolls of film, and what the hell were they showing? Some footage of his friends, of parties, of Collins streaking through the building naked when he had one too many shots (and Angel running right behind him, equally as naked.) Shots panning the park during the day, encompassing jogging women and junkies ill for a hit, the best and the worst of the city he called home. Yes, there were many of these insignificant, juvenile moments captured in the film he had. Most of it, he felt like he had just filmed it for the sake of calling it 'art.'

But there were a few rolls he stumbled across that struck him. He had forgotten he filmed them. They were simple to the untrained eye… or really, to any eye but his. There were some days where she would come over, alone and beautiful. She would greet him warmly and then curl up on the windowsill of his loft, looking out into the sunny day below. It would be hours later before she would move. He was fascinated at how her eyes never seemed to move, but every time he looked, she would be looking at something different. Mostly though, he watched her watch the sky, unchanging in its azure stillness, only interrupted by the wispy cirrus or puffy cumulus. He wondered what she saw there that caught her attention so raptly. Sometimes it seemed as if nothing could hold her focus, but he knew the truth. All she needed to keep her quiet was a blue sky and a sunny day.

_I can see you shine inside  
I want to see the world - see it in a new light  
I can feel your spirit rise  
I want to see the world through your eyes_

Her entire being seemed to glow whenever the sun hit her… even when it didn't, she was radiant. The light in her eyes never dimmed, even when she was lying there, sick and dying. Her golden brown skin shone so that it seemed she had flecks of gold in it. But there was something more to her than merely physical beauty. It captivated him, made him ask himself how someone could be so beautiful, so… perfect. Of course, she would never admit her perfection, but anyone who looked at her could see it.

_I watch you breathe, sitting under the tree  
the peace that you find  
you take my hand, waves crash on the sand  
what's done - left behind_

The film flickers on the old sheet. It's her again, But this time, she's not in their windowsill. No, it's one of those rare days where she dragged him out of the loft and to the park. "You need to get out of here, Marky," she would say. "It's healthy to get some sunlight and fresh air once in a while." He could never refuse her anything, especially with her eyes shining at him like they would for her lover. It was a moment, the only moment, where he could pretend that she might be his.

She's under a tree, sitting on the grass, her eyes closed as she leans against the bark. Her gorgeous legs extend, catching the rays of the sun on her gold-flecked skin, She opens her eyes and smiles at him. Those eyes. They always seemed to be laughing, smiling, happy, as if she saw a world that no one else could or would fathom. On the sheet, she reaches for his hand, her lips forming words that he remembers in his mind with perfect clarity. "Dance with me, Marky," she had said, her voice echoing through his head as if he were hearing them for the first time.

_I can see you shine inside  
I want to see the world - see it in a new light  
I can feel your spirit rise  
how it shines_

It wasn't just how beautiful she was. Hell, even if she had been unattractive, there still would have been something about her that turned heads. She just radiated goodness. In the way she walked, the way she spoke, the way she smiled, it was clear. Her beauty was inside, even more so than out. She was an intriguing character, she was. The way she would smile when someone said something nasty to her. The way her nose crinkled delicately as she displayed any type of dislike with the small expression. Everything added up, complimenting and highlighting until one could just barely fathom the truly exquisite nature of her.

_scene changes, rearranges  
oh nature's song  
the river is fire the river is water  
the river is sweet sweet wine  
is it the time? is there a sign?  
how do I find your state of mind  
I can see you shine inside  
I want to see the world - see it in a new light  
I can feel your spirit rise  
how it shines_

He longed to see the world the way she did. He thought he was close once, when he gave up his paying 'job' to follow his passion. When he closed his eyes, he could hear her voice whispering sweet encouragements and her hands warm on his, guiding him as he followed her lead through a clumsy waltz in the park. He could see what he needed to do. She pushed him to put it in terms he could understand, to honor her memory through his art. He didn't think that he could show her perfect world through film, but he had to try. There were the days where he got so frustrated and discouraged that he considered just giving up. Those were the days where he would sit on the windowsill, the one she loved so. He would look down at the street, watching the bustling crowd, something he was so inspired by once. Then, inexplicably, his eyes would flick to the sky to see a wisp of cloud skimming by, curved in delicate lines like her fingers when they held his. He would look to his hands as they clenched into fists. For her. He had to do this for her.

It was unfair, really, how he got to survive and she didn't. He knew, deep down, as hard as he tried, he could never capture on film how she saw the world. He couldn't put on a wig and heels and a bright skirt and find out just what she saw when she would smile that secret smile. He couldn't even pretend that he knew her like he had desperately wished, like a lover. She had one already.

But there wasn't a force in the world that could stop him from trying to show what her perfect world had been. She had given him so much. He owed it to her to try. He would do this for Angel.

_scene changes, rearranges  
oh nature's song  
I'm seeing, I'm believing  
I'm feeling strong  
the river is fire, the river is water  
the river is sweet, sweet wine  
the river is moving, moving through me  
the river it shines inside_


End file.
